If I know me, I have some tendencies. I don’t want to own them, because honestly I don’t want them to be my identity. However, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit they are tendencies. Soooo, what are they?
1. overscheduling, overcommitting.
2. people pleasing.
3. overachieving.
This week I did all of these. I know I’m not the only one. I tend to think that every great idea that passes through my mind needs to be executed. Hurry, write it down before you forget, and then make sure you do it. Yes, I tend to be productive and to feel accomplished. I tend to be reliable, and friendly. But, I have a limit.
Well, this is all “fine and dandy” until something unexpected breaks, or is lost, or a person doesn’t show up and the anxiety threatens to tear me apart… “look at the time I’ve wasted” it taunts. Well, I’m not proud of these thoughts and feelings.
BUT, GOD!
You know what I have been trying to do lately? Invite Jesus in. Ask Him for help, even if I just said “damn” or worse 12 seconds ago, I can stop and say “Jesus, I’m overwhelmed and I’m ready to freak out, please help me”, and keep saying it as many times as I feel the anxiety coming. Today, I had a breakthrough.
Here’s the funny thing, I call out to Jesus out of desperation or panic, and I just keep going. Well, He actually shows up. It makes me laugh, because it’s so unexpected. Today, He allowed me to cry in the arms of a woman I hardly know, and she just held me. She didn’t know the tears were more than the current circumstance of a broken vacuum hose, it was deeper. I was overwhelmed. Trying to be “all things to all people”.
So, where was the breakthrough? When I realized, bad days are the perfect opportunity to experience the grace of God. He really does “work all things together for good” (Romans 8:28) and “His power is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9) When did I start disliking the taste of God’s grace? When did I decide I wanted everything to just go smoothly as planned? Where is God in all of that? Lord, help me to see the struggle as an opportunity to lean on YOU.
Let’s not forget the word that came to Jeremy Binns:
“May I never forget that on my best day I still need God as desperately as I did on my worst day.’
